So, an update on day five was just not happening. Last night, after a full day of errands in the sweltering heat (100°!), I sat through a three and a half hour sign language course. I didn’t get home until 10, and I had to be up at 4 this morning to take my brother, James, and his girlfriend Emily to the airport- they flew out to L.A. to see our father (have fun, you guys!). I came home last night, threw some carrots down the juicer chute, and crashed with the glass still in my hand- hello, orange stain on my bedsheets.
So here we are at day six! It’s surreal- I can’t believe I have been surviving on only vegetable and fruit juice for almost a week. I also can’t believe how much energy I have! I’m feeling better with each passing day- my skin is peachy and clear, and I am starting to feel less…big. I must admit, though, I think I hyped myself up about the weight loss thing. I had expected a more dramatic change by this point and was initially disappointed, but now that I am reflecting on that mentality I realize that it is foolish. This wasn’t ever about weight loss in the beginning, and I don’t want it to be now.
I chose to participate in a juice fast because I wanted to give my body a chance to reboot and restart. For the past three years I have been pregnant, nursing, pregnant again, and nursing again. My body has been in total service to Jack and Carolyn- and happily so! However…Carolyn has discovered the joys of solid food. I’m not going to stop nursing her for a while (I hope!), but she seems less interested in me as her primary food source. Now it’s all about the veggie puffs and mashed avocado- which means that for the first time in a long time, I can give my body a rest. It definitely deserves it. I love my body, for everything it is and everything it does for me, everything it allows me to do, and so I want to make sure I treat it with love and respect. That’s been a huge motivator for me- being healthy. Most of what I do orbits around the intention to lead the healthiest lifestyle I am able, from diet to exercise to setting goals and achieving them, even working mentally in art therapy to make sure that I am maintaining balance in every aspect of my life. This juice fast is a part of that journey, and I want to keep a healthy perspective on it. For me, that means putting the weight loss aspect on the bottom shelf. It’s all about how I FEEL, not how I LOOK.
I must say, as days go, these have been some long ones. On the one hand, I feel a major sense of accomplishment- six days is longer than I thought I would have lasted. On the other hand…six days versus thirty? I’m barely a quarter of the way to accomplishing my 30-day goal. That’s quite a few days still left to cover.
If I don’t follow through with this, I know I’ll be so furious with myself…which is why I won’t break. There’s nothing worse than being disappointed in yourself, because there’s no escape- there you are, with yourself, forever. It’s not worth the hassle- my internal dialogue is insufferable. Better to just hack it out for the next 24 days of juice!